I hate spam!

    To get an e-mail from someone telling me that I can make 50gigabillion dollars in just 2 hours by mailing two camels and a weed eater to everyone on a list just really urks me!  So in protest of all the spam I get all the time, I produced my own spam and released it into the wild so that it could propagate and spread everywhere.
     Below I posted the original version I sent out on 3/24/99.  If you feel the inclination, copy it into your mailer and send it to everyone you know.  If you have received this mailing from someone already then my condolences, just forward it to everyone else to share your misery.
********** IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!**********
You must read the following!  It is of grave importance!!!!
Read it once, then read it again, then read it one more time to make sure you understand the implications of it.  Then read it again!  After you have read it a bunch of times, send it to everyone you know!  This is extremely important!  EVERYONE must know of this EXTREMELY IMPORTANT issue that has been over looked!

The new Millennium is just around the corner and everyone is racing to make sure that their computers are Y2K compliant.  This is a billion-dollar industry.  If all the computers in the world are not Y2K compliant by December 31, 1999, then all anarchy will break loose and the geeks living in bunkers out in the desert will take over the world!!!!
Well, with everyone working on this issue, you have very little to worry about.  Everyone should have his or her computers updated well before then.  What is important is another matter on December 31,1999.  What is it you ask?  The important Y2K that will face many people is something nearly everyone in the world will have to deal with: Toaster Ovens!  That right!! You could have in your kitchen right now a toaster oven that is not Y2K compliant!!!
Imagine waking up on January 1, 2000 after a hard night of partying, preparing to make your coffee and toast for breakfast only to find that your toaster oven will not turn on!  Or even worse, it could have reversed polarity on the heating coils and cause your toast to come out of the oven frozen instead of lightly browned like you like it.
This is a serious matter that has been over looked.  The press has been aware of it for some time but has been downplaying the issue for other topics like the geeks living out in the desert hoarding water, food, food and SyQuest cartridges waiting for the Millennium bug to rear its evil head.  The public MUST know of this terrible threat to morning break fast.
Take a moment and read what Sam McCoy from Roots, Na had to say on this EXTREMELY IMPORTANT issue:

"I had no idea my toaster oven was going to give me any problems.  It has been serving me loyally for years!  Then one day I received this e-mail informing me of the dangers of a breakfast without my cheese toast and I got just plumb scared!"
His wife Anne also has something to say on the issue:
"Sam has cheese toast every morning with his breakfast.  One day we were out of bread and I could not make it for him that morning and his whole day was ruined.  Rustlers made off with 20 of our sheep, his pickup got 2 flats, and my mom came to visit for two weeks, all because he did not get his cheese toast that morning.  The thought that he could spend years without his cheese toast because of some Millennium bug is just plain scary.  We could loose the farm!"
Luckily they received this e-mail and did something about it.  They took their 1971 Sunbeam toaster oven back to the Sears service department and had an upgrade done on it so it will be Y2K compliant and be able to loyally make toast for Sam on January 1, 2000.  They saved their farm and probably their marriage by paying attention to this letter.  They also saved their friends lots of trouble by sending the e-mail to everyone they knew.
Chuck Johnson from Forehead, Al had this experience:
"Well, I don't reckon I used my 1991 GE Toaster oven that often, but when I need it, I want it to be there for me.  Shucks!  If I want toast, I WANT TOAST darned it!"
Chuck saved himself the aggravation of an unexpected morning without toast.
Marcy Larcy of Marianna, La uses her toaster oven for entertaining guests:
"Well, I like to put small bits of meat and cheese on Ritz crackers and just brown it in the toaster oven and then add a little parsley garnish to dress it up.  When I have company, they always love it!  I would have been the laughing stock of Marianna had I invited over the ladies after church and then served them crackers with unmelted cheese on it!  I figured my 1997 Black and Decker Toaster oven would be Y2K compliant, but sure enough!  I took it into the Walmart where I bought it and they had to send it back to Black and Decker for repairs to make it work in the coming year!  I sent this e-mail to everyone I knew so they would not be in the same spot I was almost in."
So you can see that if your toaster oven was to suddenly stop working on you that you could be in quite a jam.  It is imperatively important that you take your toaster oven back to where you bought it from and have it checked out.  Even if it is a new model, it could still not be compliant!  Manufacturers have been very lax in this area.  Please do NOT ignore this message!  It is EXTREMELY important!  Send it to EVERYONE you know!  This could be their only chance to warm up a piece of toast to go with that coffee on January 1, 2000.

-->Main
-->Back